Why learning isn't enjoyable anymore

Wow! Um yeah. I'm currently experiencing exactly what was talked about in this video. 

I've always been a great student with straight A's and crippling anxiety surrounding my grades, my whole life. I realize now that school was never about learning, but about grades, ACT/SAT scores, and basically the statistics surrounding it. Students were numbers and the subjects we were taught, simply checked the boxes deemed necessary for our education. In all honesty, I don't remember much from high school. I crammed for tests and brain dumped after on repeat freshman year through graduation. A lot of subjects were very interesting at first. Then I realized I didn't get to explore all of the aspects of it. It wasn't about exploring, experimenting, or cultivating the subject at hand. It was about taking the test and moving on to the next thing. So yes, I very much disliked school despite the fact that I love learning. These are two very different concepts. As I got older, I realized that in order to keep that curiosity and love of learning alive, you have to reach out and explore your interests on your own, outside of the classroom. 

I was hoping that college would be a little better. I mean, at least this time around, I get to pick the things I want to learn about...........wrong. 

I'm still stuck taking mandatory graduation courses that have absolutely nothing to do with my major. I still have to take gen eds. Most of those classes stole my free time away from learning about the things that I love.  

The good news is that I am a junior this year, and all of my courses from next semester onward will be related to my degree in Astrophysics. 

The fields of Astronomy, Mathematics, and Physics are so incredibly vast; that it's not possible to learn it all in 1 lifetime. I think that's what I find so beautiful about it. 

But the amazing thing about it, is that the knowledge we have now is not from 1 lifetime, it's from thousands of lifetimes, accumulated over millennia. Each time we revisit past knowledge, we learn something new. Or we pick something not yet well known or understood and lay that foundation for future generations to expound upon. 

In order to keep my curiosity alive, I look at the stars. I bought a telescope and view the sky every night. I do extra math problems in my free time and I look at the why's behind it. I like to study the mathematicians, astronomers, and physicists of the past and learn about their accomplishments and their struggles. These are the things that I love and will continue to learn about.