Identity

 

Identity is super complicated, and I'm not sure I even know how to describe it fully. What I do know is that due to the complexity of identity, it usually takes a great deal of time for people to understand who they are and their place in the universe.

As in the videos we saw, it's clear that we as humans want to belong. We are consumed by the idea of acceptance. It makes our lives seem easier, doesn't it?  Identity comes in many forms and has many attributes, but even with the best wordsmiths in the world, identity cannot be summarized into words. That is how complex identity is. It's entirely unique to the individual, as each individual has lived an entirely different life. Family upbringing, race/ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, political ideologies, and gender are all potential factors that add to our concept of self-identity. However, none of these in themselves are able to fully define us. I think it's easier for humans to try and put themselves in these categories because thinking about everything that makes us who we are is too mind-boggling. 

But that's the trap society sets. Society wants to distract you. It put this illusion all around you. We as humans tend to value this illusion so much. But the truth is, it's confining us. Within these confines, we are essentially playing characters and masking ourselves in order to fit into a collective of some sort. I too have fallen into this trap. 

Most of my life I've felt lost. While the film is rolling, my life looks easy. I checked the boxes and did the expected things. Because of that, I'm rewarded with the comfort of a home, a steady job, vacation time, education etc. But behind the scenes, when I'm laying in bed every night questioning my existence and my purpose; I realize that I have no fucking clue who I am. To me, that feels like being trapped in a vacuum of darkness. I can't see. I can't hear. I don't know where I'm at. I'm alone and I'm lost. 

To fight that feeling, I look back on my purest and happiest moments. What was I doing when I felt that way? What were my reasons why? Where was I? Who was I with? When was this? In those happiest moments, we're no longer wearing a mask and playing a character. In those moments, we're our authentic selves.

Those questions are able to help me lay the foundation for myself. From there, I can keep building my identity throughout my life. 

It's much easier to avoid self-reflection and ignore or push through our feelings during an identity crisis, but that's not going to satisfy the hunger your soul is feeling. Those identity crises, although sporadic and fleeting, are cries for help. Ignoring it stunts your personal growth and leaves you empty.

It's when we open ourselves up to self reflection and these intense emotions, that we are able to nourish our soul and begin to find our authentic selves.