Feminist Paradox and Male Identity Crisis

Male Identity Crisis: 

After watching Fraser's Ted Talk, it brought awareness to my mentality toward the men in my life. I thought about my father, grandfather, brother, and husband. Then I thought about all of the times I've actually witnessed them let their guard down. There aren't that many, except for my husband (but that took time to build). They've all abided by this unwritten law that they must be the rock of the family, the stability. In doing so, they had to set aside their feelings to support and accommodate the rest of us. I never saw my dad or grandpa breakdown. Up until last year, I've never seen my husband break down. It's terrible the pressure men in our society are put under. It's not healthy. It's not sustainable. Society puts men in this box: be the provider, be strong, be brave, don't show emotions. That's not realistic. We as humans all have emotions. We as humans all have different personalities. We should not be forced to subdue who we are to fit this image society has created. It's too much and its toxic. Men are taking their own lives because of this generational toxic masculinity. This type of mindset teaches men not to express their feelings in a healthy manner. There is no talking, no crying, no therapy. That was never an option with this kind of mindset. It teaches them to push those feelings down, never to address them, and instead it manifests in unhealthy and unsustainable ways like rage, violence, conflict, and aggression. This is self-harming and self-destructive. It is an outdated norm that needs to be fixed! For the men reading this out there, I'm just curious as to how many of you have been told to "man up or grow a pair"? For those of you who have heard those phrases or something along those lines, it's not okay that someone told you that. You are allowed to exist and thrive outside of this little box society places you in. You are allowed to be you. I encourage you to be you. Until this societal norm on masculinity changes, we are going to keep losing a lot of amazing men out there. My approach to making an impact is to be the change you want to see. This goes for everyone. We know this is a huge problem men are facing. It's up to us to not play into this societal trap. We need to advocate for one another, say something when we see something wrong. It's a collaborative effort. This is not a fix that can happen alone or overnight, but with unity and progressive pushes, we can get there. 

Feminist Paradox: 

Feminism is defined as "viewing men and women as equals". This seems simple enough at first, but as you go about your everyday life, and keep this term in mind, you'll realize that feminism is accompanied by a lot of paradoxes. For example, I know that I've been in a situation before where I was asked to move a heavy object and there was a man who was in great shape that was standing right next to me. No one asked him. Not that I was offended, but I was shocked. Society around us has cultivated this image that men are the strong ones. They're the go-to's for heavy lifting. At least thats what I've observed throughout my life. Well, as someone who believes in and supports the feminism, I shouldn't have thought twice about being asked this question. But I did. After I internalized the situation and the question being asked of me, I then thought to myself, "Me thinking that the man should have been asked to move this thing instead of me is sexist". I was a little dumbfounded because I didn't even realize I had this intrinsic bias, and I don't want to be biased. So when Thisari asked the audience if our thoughts make us a bad person, I also referenced the same exact Tumblr quote! "The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are." We are all human, and we all have bad thoughts. It's whether or not we chose to change those bad thoughts and whether or not we act on those bad thoughts that make us a good or bad person. Society makes it difficult for our first thoughts to be healthy and unbiased. We witness sexism and other messed-up things every single day. So it's up to us to be mindful and counter these paradoxes.