Mental Health

These are my thoughts/feelings, opinions, and experiences in regard to the content group 1 posted about mental health. 

Documentary: Anxiety and Me

Nadiya explained that she has felt anxiety from a young age after something traumatic happened to her at school. I too understand what that's like because the first time I ever experienced anxiety and panic attack was when I was a child and when something traumatic happened to me. I was at the store with my mom when I was about 4 years old and we got separated. She said something to me, but I was looking at a toy so I didn't listen to what she was saying. I said okay, and when I looked up, she wasn't in the isle. I felt this sudden rush of panic. My heart sunk into my stomach, I felt hot in my face, my heart was racing, I started sweating. An older man walked up to me. He definitely saw me all caught up in the panic and asked if I needed help. I told him I couldn't find my mom and that I need help locating her. He took my hand and said he'd help me find her. In that moment, the panic went away. I was good for a few minutes, but once we walked around for a bit, he brought me to the front of the store. He told me my mom was probably in the parking lot. Something felt off, so I was hesitant and pulled back. He was still holding my hand, but he gripped it really hard and tried to take me out of the store to the parking lot. At that moment, I thought I was going to die. That rush of anxiety and panic came back instantly. I lost my ability to function. I felt like I was shutting down. I was overwhelmed with every scary feeling. I started crying and yelling that I wanted my mom. And literally the second I caused a big scene by having a meltdown, the creepy dude left. A few minutes after that, I saw my mom come out of the bathroom. I guess she told me she was going to the bathroom while I was busy looking at the toys.

So... anxiety. I know it, I understand it, I've felt it many times in my life, even when I am not in any real danger. It is something debilitating and it's terrifying, especially when you feel like you have no control over it. I do think traumatic events heighten the effects of the anxiety you feel, even when you're not experiencing life-threatening situations.

I pick my nails and skin on my fingers until they bleed. I noticed that it's how I self-soothe when I feel anxious. Definitely not healthy, but it's something I do. I noticed that Nadiya was fidgeting with her fingers in the documentary, so I can certainly relate to the things anxiety can manifest. 

There are several things I wanted to share my thoughts on in regard to the readings. 

First is that the Covid19 Pandemic is horrible. When you combine mass death, isolation, economic decline, and a total change in our world, it's no surprise that anxiety and depression are on the rise. Resources that were once available weren't anymore. 

The world as we knew it shut down, and I think that many of us did too. 

Those who had no history of mental health diagnosis prior to the pandemic were getting diagnosed with mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. Those who were already suffering with mental health conditions also reported more severe symptoms and manifestations. Think about what we lost. Everything we once knew changed.

In person therapy- not available (only virtual)

social gatherings- no longer possible

millions of deaths- yes

millions of jobs lost-yes

world wide shock - yes

food/supply shortage- yes

world wide panic- yes

visiting family-no

 I often thought about the people who were stuck in abusive households that had nowhere to go. What do you do when school or work is your safe haven, and you can't access it anymore? That thought really bothered me.

These scary, intrusive thoughts and worries kept flooding in. Things I normally didn't think about started becoming apart of my everyday thoughts. 

I worried about my family and their health. It's something I completely took for granted before the pandemic. I was terrified that I was going to lose my loved ones to Covid. Almost everyone in my family had covid at some point during the pandemic. One of those people was an immediate family member who was immunocompromised. As you can imagine, I was so scared. I didn't want to lose them. I was very fortunate not to have lost anyone, but there were millions of people who did lose someone they loved. Imagine trying to process and mourn your loved one, make burial accommodations and sort out family business during a time where the world already felt like it was crumbling. I couldn't imagine.

The one thing I will say that has been positive from the pandemic is the awareness it brought to mental health. Mental health has always been stigmatized and not spoken about as much as it should be. The pandemic allowed the opportunity for us as humans to talk about our mental health and the way we are coping during a worldwide crisis. I know the pandemic induced many of the ongoing mental health concerns, but we are making progress. Since we got over the main hump of the pandemic, I've seen so many resources be made available and be made very widely advertised.